Last week we discussed the 5 fundamental relationship questions. This week we share a tool you can use to define, in detail, the elements of your perfect relationship and partner.

Note: this model works just as well for work or business relationships as it does for spousal relationships.

Are you ready to begin?

Prepare to Plan your Perfect Relationship

Put yourself in a quiet, uninterrupted time and place where you can relax. Take a deep breath. Maybe get a cup or glass of your favorite relaxing beverage.

Set a timer for 10 minutes and imagine. Write for 10 minutes on the writing cues below.

Start writing or typing after you start the timer and do not stop writing or typing until after the timer expires. Fingers keep moving even if you don’t know what to write. If you’re really stuck, write “I don’t know what to write” repeatedly until a new idea surfaces. I promise, it won’t take long.

Finish whatever thoughts you still have in mind after the timer expires. Continue writing until you’ve exhausted ideas. You may write 10 minutes 2 seconds, or you may write 29 minutes. Exhaust your ideas.

If you really and truly run out of ideas before the timer runs out, that’s ok too. You’re done!

Spelling, grammar, and punctuation are not important. The un-edited output of your unconstrained imagination is what we want.

Perform the Exercise: Answer These 6 Simple Questions

(Download a printable form here.)

Requirements

1. What I must have in a mate/relationship:
2. What I cannot/will not have in a mate/relationship:

Desirables

1. What I’d like to have in a mate/relationship:
2. What I would prefer not to have in a mate/relationship:

Commitments

1. Who/what I will ALWAYS be in the relationship and for my mate:
2. What or who I will NEVER be in the relationship or for my mate:

For spousal/marital relationships

Remember to include details about 3 major stressors of spousal relationships:

1. Money
2. Sex
3. Parenting

Understand Yourself

If you have not already begun the inquiry into who you are, independent of relationship, do these exercises now.

• Who are you for yourself? Begin to answer this question using the values exercise and perfect life exercise.
• Who is your partner for your partner? Have them begin to answer this question using the values exercise and perfect life exercise.

Bonus Activity

• Create a Product Vision Box for your envisioned relationship.

Resource

Relationship definition form

For More Information

• Emotional laws are the answer for better relationships: Diana Wais at TEDxThessaloniki
• Select the right relationship | Alexandra Redcay | TEDxUpperEastSide
• Skills for Healthy Romantic Relationships | Joanne Davila | TEDxSBU
• The 1 Thing These Couples’ Therapists Tell Newlyweds Is Such Valuable Advice